Hard

Hmmm. I feel like life is hard...and ya know what...it is.
I thought when I was this age it would be easy...or at least easier.
I think I need sleep.
So I am going to bed. Tomorrow is another chance at peace.
'Nite.

Fat Pledge

Okay friends. I am posting this as a way to stay accountable.
I pledge to lose this excess weight that I put on during my relationship with AK.
That phase of my life is over, so it is TIME to get back to who I am...and that is someone
that cares about her body and health and enjoys working out and looking good!!

SO, by my birthday in April, I pledge 15lbs will be shed.
That is conservative in my opinion because if I actually TRY, I lose weight easily.
I will need to eat WELL and Exercise on a regular basis to accomplish this.

I also have decided as incentive, to post a before and after once I get to my goal weight.
I also am hoping to run a half marathon in the spring. I have done so before and I am really looking forward to it!!

Anyone else on a serious weight loss journey??

Lost

How do I find myself again in the midst of Full time school, work, a company and getting this house up to living standards?? I guess I wait until the house is done?? I have zero time to do anything else...let alone workout and keep a social life...
Hmmmmm.
Lesson learned about not taking the time you have for granted when you have it!!!

Boring Central

I am boring myself stiff! All I do is school until 12...company business then bartend at 4 or work on the house...sometimes I eat and shower inbetween. Lord that is boring.
I need a couple of nights off...
This weekend is a power weekend though...getting as much done as possible on the house with my parents and a painter is coming over tomorrow (thank you God)!!

What are you guys doing this weekend??

Feel like a song?? I am feelin' this one today...

Paint

How freaking hard could it be to mix a can of paint?? I need one more can for the second coat to my spare bedroom... I have been to Lowe's twice now and STILL do not have the right color. I even took in the empty (correct color) can last time...they have those damn computers that match the color for you...wth???
Needless to say, I have to go back tomorrow yet again...JUST what I want to do...
It is hard to tell when you are at the store looking at a tiny dot they put on the top of the can...next time I am making them open up the thing in front of me...
Then pouring it on their head if they get it wrong!!

House headaches

I have school full time, I have a company...(that I am supposed to be running), I bartend two nights a week and now I have this freaking house...
UGH.

I am so super depressed the last two days. I just cannot seem to get anything in a comfortable place...schoolwork is so time consuming...I am so behind...
The company is a joke...I have five buildings I need to get clean tonight and I fired the girl in charge of them...that means I need to clean five buildings by daybreak...myself...UGH.
A contractor just left my new house and it is more a wreck (in some ways) than when he arrived...he tore down and repaired a portion of the living room ceiling and the rest of the room is COVERED in dust now...I cleared out the spare room so he could put on the second coat of paint while here...so now MY bedroom is not livable...I cannot GET to my bed...only to hear him say that he cannot come back until Wed or Thurs. to paint the spare room.
UGH.

Homeownership is SOOOOO not fun right now.

It's good to be home...

Here I am again, so I must be getting something I need from doing this. A lot has changed...not nearly enough though. Sometimes I feel like the only one that is going nowhere...everyone else seems to pick themselves up and life takes them on new routes. I am DOING...I am TRYING, but honestly I am still sad and not nearly where I thought I would be by now. I feel like my life is just passing me by and I am helpless to make it what I want. I try and work harder than anyone I know...at being a good person...be it a friend, family member, coworker, lover, whatever...I really feel like I fail on most accounts.

Enough wallowing...
I went back to college to finish my degree. It has been challenging because i have to balance so much...but I will fill you in on some good stuff regarding that as well.

I bought my first house...lots to tell there!! Never thought I would do that alone...never thought I would just be doing so at 32 though!!

Guess I will cruise around to see if I am still welcome around here...I have missed you and am anxious to catch up. I haven't been able to get into my old Blogger email address though...forgot the password and account I used to set it up, sooooo, I will set up a new one.

It's good to be home...

Stand strong against adversity

That is number four from a book that I like a great deal. It lists seven things to help you "live your best life now". I typed them out and printed them fairly largely and they are hanging in my home office. I read them on a regular basis.

Right now I am focusing on number 4. I am trying to stand strong.

When does life get easy?? When do I just find some peace??
I guess when I make the choices that lead me to that.

I deserve to be happy. I deserve a husband...kids, a house...a life WITH someone
that enjoys life with me...ME, just the way I am. I am going to get it guys. I am.
I had to give up the dream of my life with AK.
I am my own destiny and I have to make choices that will help me achieve what I want.

In the meantime, I am once again injured. I am healing and every day I am trying to stand strong. That is why I may or may not blog a whole lot right now. I want to make sure I am not wallowing in my own self pity.

I can do this right guys?? ALL of you have come through some major setbacks.
I can too right?? Please help me because I have this void in me right now.
I waffle between total void and on the verge of tears.
I am banking on time helping me out as well.
All of this will get easier with time...right????

The bitter taste of losing everything that I held so dear.

The long awaited answer to a long and painful fight.
Truth be told I've tried my best, but somewhere along the way I got caught up in all there was to offer and the cost was so much more than I could bare.
Though I've tried... I've fallen.
I have sunk so low.
I messed up.
Better I should know...
so don't you come round here and tell me I told you so.

Fallen

101 ways to say goodbye.

This is my 101st post!! How fitting.
I have so much to say, but will keep it short and sweet.

THANK YOU...for everything.
MISS YOU...already.
YOU ARE SIMPLY THE BEST.

Remember (*as I will try too):
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

The waste is over.