Advice people. I need it. Haha~We all know that, but this time I am outright asking for some opinions. DDG (Dinner date guy). I have been keeping him at bay for MONTHS now. Do I tell him about AK?? I mean, I told him I have an x and that it is sticky, and that I am trying to figure it out. He also knows AK cheated...not much more. I hang out with DDG about once every 2-3 weeks. I like who he is so far, but this is a touchy area I think.
I could be honest, which is my gut instinct and that is what I would want from him. BUT...I am new to this dating thing (if that is what you could call it with AK in the picture). Is it TMI to let him know the story?? Not every gory detail, but what is really happening??? Would you want to know if it were you??? HELP.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Just talking out loud
I was laying in bed last night next to AK thinking about...well, everything. One point that stuck in my head is that even IF he does get well, I refuse to associate with these women that he has befriended. Why the hell should I play nice with random strangers that think AK is the bees knees?? I don't care that he is now "friends" with them. I have never been the type to "make" someone give up friends, but I just don't jive with the situation and would not tolerate it. These women do not give a rats ass about me and for that matter AK. They just think he is hot and maybe even like his company, but come the tests of REAL friendship and not one of them is around. Not to mention that it is a constant reminder of the disrespect shown by AK. I AM NOT THE NEW ONE to this situation and it BURNS me when these "ladies" act like I am. That's a big F off with a capital F to all of them...including AK.
I need time to keep working this all out in my own mind, but this is just ONE MORE point that does not sit well with me...never has. This topic is toxic and I cannot seem to bend my point of view on it. I think that he should remain friends with these people and I should be the one to go...only ONE change as opposed to dozens. Funny thing is he will feel me leaving 100X worse than never speaking to those hookers again...but it will take just that for him to realize what is wrong with this picture.
I need time to keep working this all out in my own mind, but this is just ONE MORE point that does not sit well with me...never has. This topic is toxic and I cannot seem to bend my point of view on it. I think that he should remain friends with these people and I should be the one to go...only ONE change as opposed to dozens. Funny thing is he will feel me leaving 100X worse than never speaking to those hookers again...but it will take just that for him to realize what is wrong with this picture.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Let's not talk about it.
Watch the OSU game last night???
Had the pleasure to see it all on my friend Natalie's big screen.
Let's not talk about it.
Had the pleasure to see it all on my friend Natalie's big screen.
Let's not talk about it.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
"Where are we going...
And why are we in this hand basket." That saying SO marks this phase of my life. I have promised MYSELF that this year will be one of accomplishment, not just "figuring things out"!!
Here's what life looks like at the Lost in Waste household(s)!!! This is what we are tackling finally. AK is getting a specialist now. We made calls on Friday and he will get in to a SAA group as well and attend EACH once a week.
This is a result of me finally putting my foot down...get help or take a long walk off a short pier. Happy New Year to me. Now I was very clear that if he wants to even be FRIENDS with me this all changes NOW and the minute it stops so does our acquaintance. If there is ANY hope of a marriage to come out of this is yet to be determined...we played by his rules for 8+ years...now it's my way or the highway and I am fing serious about it. I know I will get some people saying "He should want to do it for himself". Bullshit. He WANTS to be well...but people he is an ADDICT...just like a drug junkie. Think they want to shove needles in their arm??? NO. They want to numb the pain or avoid reality or whatever. AK's drug is SEX. He keeps trying and FAILS miserably every time!
For those of you that have never even heard of this or think it is a load of crap, I understand. So did I for a long time. I thought he was just a jackass. Now I know otherwise...he is a sad man that ACTS like a jackass and is a lost soul. Only now I am not going down with him. Below is some info from the Sex Addicts Anonymous site. I hope this helps you guys understand what is going on here. I don't know that I even want to be with AK at the end of this. I do love him and to me love means thick and thin. He NEEDS help. I will be there. Beyond that...Blurry, gray and not looking so hot for us. I hope this info is insightful...Sex addiction is not talked about very often...and when it is, t.v. portrays it as FUNNY. This is about the least funny a person can get.
I know I cannot SAVE him, but I will be there to encourage and help in any way possible as long as HE is giving 100%. There will undoubtedly be bumps in the road...we'll cross that when we get there. If he wants me around at all, the bullshit stops though.
His mother has forbid him to enter her house until he is in treatment and is actually on his way (at least) to changing his self destructive and disrespectful ways. Breaks my heart but I am so glad. I sure hope this is rock bottom...if not rock bottom will be when I toss him out of my life 110% ill or not!! *sigh*
***********************
What is Sexual Addiction?
Sex Addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors.
The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The addict may wish to stop --- yet repeatedly fails to do so. The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair.
Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behavior (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park.) When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion.
Here's what life looks like at the Lost in Waste household(s)!!! This is what we are tackling finally. AK is getting a specialist now. We made calls on Friday and he will get in to a SAA group as well and attend EACH once a week.
This is a result of me finally putting my foot down...get help or take a long walk off a short pier. Happy New Year to me. Now I was very clear that if he wants to even be FRIENDS with me this all changes NOW and the minute it stops so does our acquaintance. If there is ANY hope of a marriage to come out of this is yet to be determined...we played by his rules for 8+ years...now it's my way or the highway and I am fing serious about it. I know I will get some people saying "He should want to do it for himself". Bullshit. He WANTS to be well...but people he is an ADDICT...just like a drug junkie. Think they want to shove needles in their arm??? NO. They want to numb the pain or avoid reality or whatever. AK's drug is SEX. He keeps trying and FAILS miserably every time!
For those of you that have never even heard of this or think it is a load of crap, I understand. So did I for a long time. I thought he was just a jackass. Now I know otherwise...he is a sad man that ACTS like a jackass and is a lost soul. Only now I am not going down with him. Below is some info from the Sex Addicts Anonymous site. I hope this helps you guys understand what is going on here. I don't know that I even want to be with AK at the end of this. I do love him and to me love means thick and thin. He NEEDS help. I will be there. Beyond that...Blurry, gray and not looking so hot for us. I hope this info is insightful...Sex addiction is not talked about very often...and when it is, t.v. portrays it as FUNNY. This is about the least funny a person can get.
I know I cannot SAVE him, but I will be there to encourage and help in any way possible as long as HE is giving 100%. There will undoubtedly be bumps in the road...we'll cross that when we get there. If he wants me around at all, the bullshit stops though.
His mother has forbid him to enter her house until he is in treatment and is actually on his way (at least) to changing his self destructive and disrespectful ways. Breaks my heart but I am so glad. I sure hope this is rock bottom...if not rock bottom will be when I toss him out of my life 110% ill or not!! *sigh*
***********************
What is Sexual Addiction?
Sex Addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors.
The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The addict may wish to stop --- yet repeatedly fails to do so. The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair.
Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behavior (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park.) When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion.
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