I am Complicated.

Ok JQ...It's been awhile, I owe ya!

I am: not a fast runner, but enjoy it all the same.
I think: hell is really our time here on earth.
I know: how to cut to the core and love like no other.
I have: to find a way to move past this gut wrenching pain.
I wish: I could start over. I would give myself, my friends and family a break knowing all of it was just little stuff that would never have become big stuff if we had only known that.
I hate: drugs and how morally vacant most people are.
I miss: being held each night and waking up next to someone every morning.
I fear: I will never get rid of this loneliness inside me that I have felt my entire life.
I hear: people saying going to strip clubs when in a relationship is no big deal...and feel sorry that anyone has that little self respect for themselves and their relationship.
I smell: my burberry brit perfume....bliss!
I crave: security and contentment.
I search: my mind for answers that are not there!
I wonder: Why people push their Pro-life views in others faces...especially men. Turns my stomach.
I regret: believing I am never enough: Pretty enough, fit enough, wealthy enough...on and on.
I love: having my hair played with.
I ache: for abandoned children and animals and anyone that is truly lonely.
I am not: ok
I believe: in God but question a lot about religion.
I dance: rarely but dream of breaking out a fun surprise dance at my wedding (to my yet to be met hubby)!!
I sing: in the car and I sound terrible but do not care.
I cry: for others people's pain and happy tears for their success.
I fight: depression every day.
I win: the battle and lose the war.
I lose: perspective when I get emotional about how my relationship with AK really was.
I never: want to die before my husband...the one I don't have yet.
I always: try to think of other's feelings.
I confuse: what I want and what I need.
I listen: to my heart more than my head.
I can usually be found: working my tail off.
I am scared: that I will be alone forever.
I need: a vacation.
I am happy about: the fact that I have a job while so many are out of work.
I imagine: that I better get workin' on making my happiness.
Who's next?

2009...Here I come.

So I wonder how your new year is going?
Me?
I am sick. THAT is never fun.
I am excited though. I believe this is the year of change.
I have this spooky calm that has come over me...it is kinda nice.
I am over fighting the reality that I am alone...I am embracing it.
I am ready to put one foot in front of the other to move forward...
without dragging them waiting for the past to catch up. The past is
where he belongs...in the rearview mirror and fading fast!